Chapter 10 (Part 2)
I don’t know how this had gotten to this point; its like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Des thinks I’m not fighting hard enough for her and Audrey when the truth of the matter is, I am. It’s not always in the way she wants me to but I’ll fight any day for my family.
Yeah I had a past with these women but now, I’m in a different frame of mind. The thing is, they’ll talk about me regardless. This time especially with Audrey being born, they’re gonna say whatever they want; out of love, out of envy. Not everybody is gonna be happy; and truth be told, I could give a fuck about that. The only people that I’m focused on right now are my child and my girl.
Its like Des wants me out there arguing on air or on Twitter with them and I’m not about to do all that. That’s not who I am. I mean that saying is real, ‘success is the best revenge’. I believed in that. Des don’t get that they want to be where she’s at; they wouldn’t be talking otherwise. And with that being said, all I could do from my position was wish them the best and provide for my family.
She’s been so stressed out, its making me rethink this whole touring thing. Like I understand she doesn’t want Audrey out on the road but, if Des is this way when I’m here, I’m afraid to leave her by herself. Doesn’t matter if Nish is there or if my mom is there, I’d rather have her with me, to make sure she’s okay for myself.
Glad couldn’t have been the appropriate term to describe how I felt; little did she know, I was taking her on a little getaway. Just to get her mind off things. She thinks I’m in the studio, which is in fact true but in a few hours, I’m gonna go back to the house and pick her up. The suitcases were already packed and Audrey was gonna be staying with my mom and Nish.
We were going to Bora Bora. I know she’s never been but neither have I. This would be a first for both of us.
"Play that back for me." I said, leaning on the table.
I let the music speak for itself. Couldn’t wait for the people to hear it.
This one was for the summer. My tour was getting ready to start and I wanted to give them something to rock to.
“Soundin’ good man.” 40 spoke, taking me out my thoughts.
“Yeah we did good.” I reached my hand out to dap him up.
Once the volume was turned down, I could hear everybody else in the room talking. When I say everybody (including 40), I meant Chubbs, Niko, CJ, Oliver, Jay, Nate, and Hush. Ryan and I hadn’t talked since that day in the studio.
“So when you gonna drop that?”
Shrugging my shoulders, “Soon.” I smirked, “When I get back from this trip, I’ll figure it out.”
“Does Des know about the trip?” Nate asked.
“Nah! Its a surprise.” I replied, “She been so uptight these past few days, it couldn’t have came at a better time. I been thinking about bringing her on the road with me but I doubt she’s gonna wanna go.”
“Where’s Audrey going?”
“She’s gonna be staying with Nish and my mom. But if I take Des on the road, I know she’s not gonna want to leave her; she already don’t want her going on the road.”
“Why not?” Chubbs questioned.
“Because she doesn’t think she’s ready for that yet. But Ima give it a while before I ask her again. Audrey’s only two months right now; I’ll wait another two maybe four months before I ask again.” I laughed, making everyone else laugh.
When I came back home, first room I went into was Audrey’s. She was lying on her back, her head turned in my direction; her hands balled up in little fists. Her pacifier was no more than a couple inches away from her; I’m guessing she must’ve been up not too long ago.
I let my finger tips brush across her little knuckles. If it were up to me, I would keep her this small forever. I can’t imagine what she’ll be like. No doubt, she would have her mother’s attitude but I’d like to think she would be the reasonable type like myself.
Somehow, I was gonna have to convince Des to let Audrey come on the road. There was no way I was gonna accept seeing her every other weekend or thru some pics or videos on a phone. This was the love of my life. I needed her near me more and more; especially at the rate she was growing.
When I left her room and went down the hall to mines, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I took it out glancing at Nisha’s name. She was letting me know that she would be here in about fifteen minutes; perfect.
The door was already open, to my room. Des was buried underneath the covers, how I knew she was alive? The covers would rise and fall - and even more when she’d take a deep breath. Smirking to myself, I walked over to my side of the bed, peeling the covers back. Des was snoring lightly; her hair was wrapped in a scarf. She had my pillow in her hands, hugging it to her chest. I’m guessing she missed me.
I took my kicks off, moving them to the side - and out her way. I slid underneath the covers, laying on my side as I let my hand caress her skin. My lips kissing all on the side of her face. She was moaning a little, and whining while she fought to open her eyes.
"Des baby wake up!" I ran my hand down her thigh, kissing her forehead.
"Mmmm…." She replied, closing her eyes before she opened them….a little.
"I know you’re tired but….just do it for me….this one time." I pleaded, kissing down the side of her face moving over to her ear.
I tugged at it just a little, as I squeezed her ass cheek for play.
That got her going; “Mmmm…. Stop,” she grabbed my arm.
"If you get up, I will." I chuckled, now running my hand up her waist as I let my lips brush up the side of her face; each stop gave me an opportunity to press my lips to her skin.
That is, until she tapped me to let her get up.
She got up on the opposite side, covering herself up with Aubrey’s blanket. At first she glanced around the room, looking lost. But then her eyes met mines; unreadable if you wanted to know. I just smiled at her.
"Good Morning beautiful." Pleasantly I said.
Des rolled her eyes at me as she walked over to my side.
"Morning." She said, getting ready to walk past me and into the bathroom. But I grabbed her up, bringing her to me.
Des squealed in excitement while I hugged her body close to me. My head leveled with her chest area. She was wearing a tank top so I was able to have that skin to skin contact; and if we had the time, I would’ve gone even further with it, reminding her of last night. But I had to remind myself just what I needed to do.
Her hands caressed the back of my head, dropping onto my shoulders and then comfortably gripping my arms.
"Go get ready. We’re going out." I told her.
"Where?" She mumbled, exhaling as she looked down at me.
"Somewhere." Was all I said smiling as I admired her face from below.
"Well I gotta give the baby a bath," she spoke away from me, only to turn back to me, "and dress her up too."
"Don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of everything… Just worry about you. Okay?"
Breaking away from my hold skeptically, she asked, “You’re gonna give the baby a bath?”
"Yeah." Nonchalantly I replied.
"Babe, she’s two months,” she whined, "you think you can do it?"
"You don’t believe I can do it?"
Shrugging her shoulders, she looked away from me.
"Ooh I see how it is." I chuckled cockily, "Well look, let me take care of lil mama, and by the time you’re ready, she’ll be throwing on her clothes. That sound good?"
Des deciphered whether that sounded good enough for her. Her arms were now folded at her chest as she chewed on the inside of her mouth.
"Fine." She muttered, walking away from me and into the bathroom.
Quickly I got up and out the room, going back to Audrey’s room. I was bout to prove baby girl wrong on this one.
With Nisha’s supervision, I was able to get Audrey dressed. Now keep in mind she didn’t help me but, she was there to make sure I wasn’t too rough or negligent. Only reason why I had her here was so she would be out of sight from Des.
I did have her comb out Audrey’s hair though; obviously I wasn’t an expert in that department. She brushed it up and threw a floral headband around her head.
But the time for judging was now. And Audrey was showing her love for me today. Daddy’s favorite girl. Not only was she my favorite girl, she was my only girl. Her mommy was my woman so, that put her on a whole different platform.
"Ok Aubrey…" Des sung my name, getting closer to Audrey’s room, "let’s see what you did to my baby. I hope she ain’t got her diaper on backwards. Or her shirt on her legs." she chuckled.
Turning the knob, she came in with her eyes fixating on me as I sat comfortably in the rocking chair, with Audrey in my arms.
Nish was hiding in the closet, little did Des know.
She walked over folding her arms in front of me, at first. But luckily Audrey’s eyes were open so she could see that she was okay.
"Mhmmm…" Her momma muttered, examining the situation. "Gimme my baby." taking Audret out my arms to inspect her.
Des had her arm propped under Audrey’s thighs; checking the inside of her pants as well as the onesie I threw on her. She examined Audrey’s face, pecking her lips once before kissing her softly on the left side of her face.
"Did daddy give you a bath princess?" Playfully she asked talking in baby voice.
Audrey was being a typical baby; cooing, not really knowing what her mommy was saying to her. All she knew was that the lady in front of her, was angelic and pure; the one who watched her, fed her, changed her, and loved her.
"Yes, yes, yes, I know baby. It’s okay." poking her lips out, "Mommy saved you from that big mean ol’ man." She repeatedly kissed baby girl’s cheek, hugging her little body close to her.
"Hey, hey, hey there. I’d say I did a pretty damn good job." I defended myself standing up to rub my princess’ back.
"And I take it, you did her hair?" Des asked, sniffing Audrey’s hair, "Smells like lavender… Aww and daddy put your headband on?" She smiled at her, kissing the top of her head, "You was just being a good girl for ya daddy, huh?"
It was beautiful to me, how Des would interact with her. She’d light up instantly and Audrey would just smile at her, with her little hands at her mouth. Moments like that, are the reason why I wanted them with me on the road. I wanted to be able to see every second, if I could.
This trip we were taking, I planned on bringing it up again - this time with new points to make and some compromises in place.
"Sooo…." Des dragged out, kissing Audrey for the hundredth time, before she looked at me, "Where are we going?"
Audrey was propped up on her, her hand in hers.
"I told you…somewhere. It’s a surprise."
One of Des’ eyebrows went up, as she stared at me with curiosity.
"Hmmm….I don’t know how I feel about that." She gave me that infamous side eye of hers as she looked over to the changing table to pick up the baby’s pacifier.
"Have I given you any reason to doubt me?" I questioned, "You know my surprises don’t sting."
Rolling her eyes, Des placed the pacifier into Audrey’s mouth.
"Yeah…." Just as she was getting ready to talk, the doorbell rang, "whatever Aubrey…" She turned away looking outside into the hallway.
Realizing I couldn’t hold off any longer, I started to walk towards the baby’s closet.
Des’ eyes followed me, as she held the baby to her, rubbing her back. Already she was getting sleepy.
"Well, let me just give you one hint…" turning the knob, to let Nisha out.
Des’ face furrowed in confusion as Nish stepped out.
"Surprise!" She shouted quietly.
"What the…?" Des started to say but the bell had rung again, cutting her off.
I laughed looking at how confused she was looking; everything she was asking was written on her face.
"I’ll get it." Jogging out the room and down the hallway, I knew it had to be nobody else but my mom.
I flew her in from Toronto earlier than Des had thought. With the tour set in place, she assumed she’d be here within the next few weeks. She was talking about cleaning up her room and possibly moving it closer to our bedroom just in case Audrey’s crying out and she (Des) isn’t there. It was a good point but then I thought about what would happen if the both of us were home and in the bed. I’m pretty sure my mom wouldn’t want to here us.
“Hey there!” mom smiled, walking in with her arms open.
Closing the door behind her, “Hey Mom.” I wrapped her up in a hug.
By now, Des and Nish were making their way downstairs with the baby.
My mom pulled away from me, causing me to look at what she was looking at.
“Ooh look what we have here.” she clasped her hands to her together.
Nisha said hi to my mom but Des was looking back and forth between myself and my mom, trying to figure out why she was here.
“Hey San, what are you doing here?” still holding Audrey, “I thought you weren’t coming for another few weeks…?”
“Well I was, but…” my mother started to say but I cut her off.
“I invited her up here…” I smiled. “Babe, you ruined the surprise.”
Des sighed, “Aubrey, you know I wanted to fix up her room; that was my surprise for her.” sounding disappointed.
“You just told her the surprise though…” I replied trying not to sound like a smart ass. But she did.
She looked at me like I was stupid, nonetheless.
“Oh its fine Desirae. I’m here now, I can help you with that.” my mom chuckled waving her hand, as she walked closer to see the baby.
Des handed her over to her grandma; Nisha flocked to her as well, admiring Audrey.
“Okay so now that everybody is here,” I started off, getting my mom and Nish’s attention; Des’s, I already had, “I guess I should tell you,” talking to Des - as she continuously stared, and not for a good reason I presumed,but she’ll love me after this. “These lovely ladies are here to take care of Audrey.”
Nish and my mom smiled looking over at a surprised Desirae.
“And the surprise is,… me and you are going on a getaway.” I stated.
“Yaaaaaay” Nisha cheered on, trying to make her friend happy. But Des just looked at her like she was crazy. “Okay listen here Miss. Pouty face” she started off, and that’s when I knew we were gonna be in for it from Des. “That man over there, wants to show you how much he appreciates you. We all understand how overwhelmed you’ve been with being a mother to my precious boo, so we’re, meaning me and his mom, are going to watch her, while you two go on a little vacation.The both of yous can use some alone time. So get out!” she said, smacking her lips playfully; my mom laughed, “Ya bags are packed and the car is outside waiting for you.”
I laughed along with them watching as Des fought to smile.
“Me and Momma Graham are gonna have everything under control. We’ll take lots of pictures and make sure she is okay…. Okay?” Nisha said, throwing her arm on Desi’s shoulder as she helped her walk to the door.
Lightly she pushed her out, and I followed.
“Bye y’all!!” she waved smiling as she closed the door on us.
I stopped chuckling once that happened, looking over at Des. No expression on her face. It was frustrating… seemed like nothing I did was right.
“Look I understand you’re upset but I figured we could use some alone time.” I started off, “You was stressing out and me not being around, I figured right now would be the time to focus on us. We been goin’ back and forth a lot; and I just wanna make su-.”
She cut me off, putting her lips on mines. Rightfully so, I grabbed her small body up, wrapping my arms around her waist as my hand caressed her ass. I deepened the kiss, letting my tongue taste hers.
We remained in each other’s embrace for as long as our breaths could take; pulling away to catch it. For about a minute, we stared each other down hungrily, her lips curling up into a smile. Mines slowly did the same, I licked over my lips, walking up to her. I wrapped my arm around her, holding her close as we walked off to the car.
Bora Bora here we come!
Chapter 10 (Part 1)
Two Days Later
We boarded with the baby strapped safely in her car seat, onto to the jet. This would be Audrey’s first trip and I made sure I had gotten her prepared for it. She had everything she needed to last her along with everything she didn’t need, according to her daddy. But the way I saw it, you never know. Its not like I don’t trust Toronto but I just don’t want anything at our house to go to waste.
My princess was content; her daddy had her in his arms. Which was to my relief, last night it seemed like it took her forever to fall asleep. And that was so annoying, I couldn’t go to sleep, Aubrey wasn’t home yet so I couldn’t hand her off to him. I love my baby to pieces but she was just too much for not only me but herself. I had already fed her, already burped her, I had walked her around the house trying to rock her to sleep; nothing seemed to work. When I finally lied her down and let her cry herself out, after like two hours, then she fell asleep.
Lying back in the comfortable chair, I sat across from the two, dosing off with a blanket covering me. This flight would probably be short but, every minute counted plus, I couldn’t wait to get Audrey in her grandma’s arms. Like I said, I love my baby to pieces but she can be too much. Actually the more that I think about it, this little girl did have my personality, so maybe this was a piece of it.
As I laid there, letting the sounds of their voices soothe me, it only brought me back to my childhood and why my mother wasn’t what I needed her to be. I mean seriously, I needed her love and affection just like Aubrey gets from his mom. Sandi was in every bit a mother figure to me but just not my actual mom. And at times, it bothered me.
Close to two hours later, we were in a car: myself, Audrey and Aubrey getting driven to Sandi’s house. That flight put my baby to sleep so once we got settled into the truck, she was out like a light. Me and Aubrey concluded that she just wanted to observe her surroundings, which was the most beautiful thing he could witness.
"Babe you talked to Mommy?" I asked him, watching him type on his phone.
Aubrey simply nodded his head clenching his jaw a little; looking in my direction a bit, he said, “Yeah she knows we’re coming.” before tending back to his phone.
My princess was in her car seat with the blanket covering her. The headband I had put on her, was sliding off due to the constant movement. I took it off, sticking it in my purse in exchange of her pacifier; I knew once she was up, she’d be looking for it.
I made sure I clipped it onto her clothes that way I wouldn’t have to dig for it later.
"You sleep good?" Out of the blue, Aubrey asked me.
"Yeah." I started out saying as a cute yawn came out.
Aubrey chuckled, “I figured you did. I know last night was rough on you.”
I rolled my eyes, leaning my head onto the side.
"But Ima make sure you get your time alone from the little one. That way you get to rest plus my mom can’t wait to see her baby." He smiled, looking up at me.
Though from where I was, he could only spot my right dimple deepening.
"What’d you guys do in the studio?"
"Working on some stuff," he said scratching under his chin, “I did a verse for Meek Mill…” stopping mid sentence to look at his phone again, “for the…. mixtape, I think. Then I gotta do another verse for Khaled when we get back…”
The way he talked about his business to me, was just a turn on and a highlight of my day. He had come a long way from them Degrassi days so to be where he’s at now, in his career, I know this means a lot to him. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, me being pregnant and on bed rest, I seen a lot of his friends come thru. Watching him light up like a Christmas tree was all I needed to make my day; that and the interaction between him and Audrey.
Not long after we arrived at Aubrey’s home; we dropped our belongings there before getting back on to the road to Sandi’s.
“Oh my, look whose here!” she stepped outside the house with a face full of excitement and her arms wide open.
Myself getting out the car with Audrey in my hands; she was still asleep, to my surprise. Snuggled up to my chest, with the blanket wrapped around her, and a jacket on her as well. It was a little chilly out here. Aubrey was getting her baby bag and car seat out the backseat.
“Hi Ma.” I said in a normal yet excited tone. Didn’t want to wake the baby.
“Look at my beautiful girls!” she went on, as we came in close quarters, whispering, “Is she asleep?”
“Yes,” I replied, with a head nod.
I brought Audrey out a bit, so that we could both get a good look at her. Sandi smiled with gleam.
“She’s so precious!” cooing as she rubbed her thumb over Audrey’s cheek. “Lets get you two inside.”
Carefully, I walked up the staircase and over the threshold, into her house, my eyes set on the living room. I wanted tolay Audrey on the couch and get a seat, most importantly. Carefully I unzipped her jacket, removing her arms from the sleeves; I didn’t want her waking up and being all fussy. She wasn’t even two months yet but she was already developing a habit.
Once I got the jacket off, she stretched her little body out, inhaling to exhaling, rubbing her little fist over her nose. She sucked in her pacifier, playing with it for a bit, in her mouth.
Meanwhile, Aubrey and Sandi worked their way inside the house. Conversing amongst themselves, they walked into the living room where we were. Aubrey’s eyes fell on mines quickly before deciding on which place to put Audrey’s things down. Sandi walked over to me, her eyes slightly watery as she admired the baby.
Her hands were clasped together, “I just can’t get over how beautiful she is.” she smiled over at me, “How are you doing sweetheart?”
“I’m good, mommy. How have you been?” I stood up to give her a quick hug.
“I’m better now that you three are here.” she chuckled, “I’ve missed you guys so much.”
I pulled away enough to see her face, “Oh and we’ve missed you too; a lot more than you think.” I snickered, loosening my grip on her.
“You look good hun! For somebody that’s just had a baby.” she commented attempting to butter me up.
I definitely knew that she was pulling my leg; again, I wasn’t all the way back to my normal size so I felt a little insecure whenever I’d see other women around Aubrey; shit I was even insecure around Nisha. And that’s because she was a perfect size four and I was at a ten, still trying to get rid of this baby fat.
"Thanks San!" blushing at the compliment; even though I didn’t believe it, it was still nice to hear it.
"Your welcome hun…" Smiling back as we looked over at her son. "So how long will I have you guys for?"
Aubrey walked over to us, “Couple days… I gotta get back to the states and get ready for the tour.” Kissing Sandi’s cheek.
"And your taking my Audrey out there?" she asked, one of her hands resting on her chest as she looked in between me and Drake.
"No." I replied, "We agreed it would be best for her to stay in New York. So just in case something happens, she’ll be near her doctor."
Sandi exhaled in relief, “Oh good!” Chuckling to herself.
"But we’ll visit every other weekend so she’ll get to see him." Reassuring both him and her.
"Yeah, so everything’s been figured out." Aubrey smile mirroring his Mom’s.
It was cute how much they looked alike, and my baby was already looking like them as well.
"That’s all I need to hear…. Ooh and if you want, Desirae, I can come back to help out with the baby."
"I’d love that a lot actually." My smile was pretty wide and full of relief. I could use all of Mama’s help with Audrey. "Thanks ma." I wrapped my arms back around her, hugging her tight.
This was my family. No matter how much I reminded myself of my past, it didn’t change the fact that I was Audrey’s mom now. Aubrey and me had our own little family, and it was filled love, concerns, laughs, and protection.
"You’re welcome sweetie, anytime."
Releasing her from my hold, I looked back to see my baby. Aubrey had put a blanket over her, rubbing her back softly.
I walked over to the empty love seat and made some use out of it; Sandi walked over to where they were, standing in front of Audrey, practically in awe of how she slept.
"She is just a precious little thing. I can’t believe how much she’s filled out since I seen her last."
I smiled at peace, letting my headrest as my eyes closed.
"Yeah…. she’s growing." I overheard Aubrey say.
They continued to chat, and soon there voices faded from my eardrums; as I went off to dream.
One Week Later
“Hey where you think you goin’?”
I marched furiously down the hallway, down the staircase, my eyes set for the doorway. I grabbed my purse off the suede bluish gray couch throwing it over my shoulder as I was in motion.
"Des," he called out sounding a lot closer than I had expected him to be.
Out the corner of my eye, I saw him making his way down the staircase. I walked right past him in hopes of missing him. It sucked how close it was close to the door, it was hard to miss me.
“Des, wait up!” Aubrey tugged at arm causing me to stop in mid walk. I was at least, two feet away, from being out the door.
“Don’t touch me!” I snapped snatching my elbow away from him.
“No listen to me!” he managed to block me from the door, his face was full of worry. And dammit he should be; because again I stand here looking stupid for sticking by him when these girls he claims he used to ‘mess with’ are coming out in the media with these damn stories.
“Why?” I cried out, “Why should I? You’ve said nothing to defend my honor…or your daughters’.” tears streaming down my face.
“Des don’t do that!” I could tell by his voice that I had struck a nerve; if it wasn’t for my sake, it was for hers. “You know that’s not fair. I love you both and you know that. I can’t always control what they say about me; they’re one of many out there.”
“You have the power to move people with your words, in song, but you can’t say anything when its about protecting your family?” I was furious, “Really Aubrey? I’ve let you have your moments because I don’t want to be in the way of your career but this one takes the cake.”
About a day or two ago, one of Aubrey’s exes did an interview not only talking about her past relationship with him but I felt like she took a jab at me and the fact that I was the mother of his child. Not only that but he did that stupid video with Rihanna, whom I know he used to hang out with. Then this Nebby chick came out of nowhere talking about Aubrey again and this time it was on Twitter; Aubrey had the audacity to respond well, actually he posted a subliminal tweet. This was around the time we must’ve been arguing and I was pregnant so of course I was feeling some type of way. It made me feel like he was regretting this baby and me. Like I literally packed my bags and headed out the door but again like this episode, he came down to stop me. To some degree I think he even wanted to cry, but I didn’t care. All I knew was, I was gonna have to make a living for my child and myself without him.
“Baby I’m sorry! Okay,” he fixed my face so I was looking directly at him. “Look, you and Audrey are my world; I can’t see myself without you two” by then I had pushed his hand away from me but he pulled my face back over, “No, stop! You may not think that I don’t care but I do. Ima always defend you and Audrey. Okay? Always. It may not be in the way you want me to but it gets done babe.” stressing the last sentence as he looked me in the eye.
My vision had become blurry, and so had my mind. I felt like I was stuck between Aubrey’s world and my own. The truth of the matter was, I wasn’t famous but because of him and our baby, I was. I mean, they saw me as this opportunists, like I really aspired to be a baby mama. And I was far from it, I wanted so much more out this life than to be somebody’s baby mama.
Then these girls coming out the woodwork weren’t making my situation any easier; since the day Tyrone left me, I hadn’t seen or heard from him. But yet somehow these girls were slithering through the cracks of my mind like snakes and it got to me.
“I can’t have you walk out on me,” wiping under my eyelids, “After everything we’ve been thru this past year, baby…” softly he kissed my lips, his hold on me even more warm and sensual than before. He lips lingered on mines, “I need you.” meshing them as he breathed harshly out his nose, tickling my skin before he kissed me again, “I love you.”
He let his hand move my bag off my shoulder and onto the ground as he felt up my waist and backside. And I let him, all in the while his manhood was knocking at my door, beckoning for me to let him in. I let him. Not before he slowly got down on his knees before me, in between kissing; he found his way at my navel, lifting up my button down.
That night I laid alone; the sheets and this bed were what gave me comfort. After Aubrey and I got through ‘making up’, he fed the baby and put her down to sleep. Now he was out of the house, off to the studio. I was unaware of when he was coming back; he kissed my forehead and left me to sleep.
I hated to make this a pattern cause honestly it didn’t need to be. But I felt so insecure, and maybe that wasn’t something that he could help, I needed to feel confident in our relationship. These were our rocky times, especially with the baby here. I didn’t want to give up on us, but at the same time, I didn’t want my daughter to see her father and I going thru it either. This constant working was a problem but it was also our solution to living. I think we just needed to keep some common ground between us.