Chapter 10 (Part 1)
Two Days Later
We boarded with the baby strapped safely in her car seat, onto to the jet. This would be Audrey’s first trip and I made sure I had gotten her prepared for it. She had everything she needed to last her along with everything she didn’t need, according to her daddy. But the way I saw it, you never know. Its not like I don’t trust Toronto but I just don’t want anything at our house to go to waste.
My princess was content; her daddy had her in his arms. Which was to my relief, last night it seemed like it took her forever to fall asleep. And that was so annoying, I couldn’t go to sleep, Aubrey wasn’t home yet so I couldn’t hand her off to him. I love my baby to pieces but she was just too much for not only me but herself. I had already fed her, already burped her, I had walked her around the house trying to rock her to sleep; nothing seemed to work. When I finally lied her down and let her cry herself out, after like two hours, then she fell asleep.
Lying back in the comfortable chair, I sat across from the two, dosing off with a blanket covering me. This flight would probably be short but, every minute counted plus, I couldn’t wait to get Audrey in her grandma’s arms. Like I said, I love my baby to pieces but she can be too much. Actually the more that I think about it, this little girl did have my personality, so maybe this was a piece of it.
As I laid there, letting the sounds of their voices soothe me, it only brought me back to my childhood and why my mother wasn’t what I needed her to be. I mean seriously, I needed her love and affection just like Aubrey gets from his mom. Sandi was in every bit a mother figure to me but just not my actual mom. And at times, it bothered me.
Close to two hours later, we were in a car: myself, Audrey and Aubrey getting driven to Sandi’s house. That flight put my baby to sleep so once we got settled into the truck, she was out like a light. Me and Aubrey concluded that she just wanted to observe her surroundings, which was the most beautiful thing he could witness.
"Babe you talked to Mommy?" I asked him, watching him type on his phone.
Aubrey simply nodded his head clenching his jaw a little; looking in my direction a bit, he said, “Yeah she knows we’re coming.” before tending back to his phone.
My princess was in her car seat with the blanket covering her. The headband I had put on her, was sliding off due to the constant movement. I took it off, sticking it in my purse in exchange of her pacifier; I knew once she was up, she’d be looking for it.
I made sure I clipped it onto her clothes that way I wouldn’t have to dig for it later.
"You sleep good?" Out of the blue, Aubrey asked me.
"Yeah." I started out saying as a cute yawn came out.
Aubrey chuckled, “I figured you did. I know last night was rough on you.”
I rolled my eyes, leaning my head onto the side.
"But Ima make sure you get your time alone from the little one. That way you get to rest plus my mom can’t wait to see her baby." He smiled, looking up at me.
Though from where I was, he could only spot my right dimple deepening.
"What’d you guys do in the studio?"
"Working on some stuff," he said scratching under his chin, “I did a verse for Meek Mill…” stopping mid sentence to look at his phone again, “for the…. mixtape, I think. Then I gotta do another verse for Khaled when we get back…”
The way he talked about his business to me, was just a turn on and a highlight of my day. He had come a long way from them Degrassi days so to be where he’s at now, in his career, I know this means a lot to him. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, me being pregnant and on bed rest, I seen a lot of his friends come thru. Watching him light up like a Christmas tree was all I needed to make my day; that and the interaction between him and Audrey.
Not long after we arrived at Aubrey’s home; we dropped our belongings there before getting back on to the road to Sandi’s.
“Oh my, look whose here!” she stepped outside the house with a face full of excitement and her arms wide open.
Myself getting out the car with Audrey in my hands; she was still asleep, to my surprise. Snuggled up to my chest, with the blanket wrapped around her, and a jacket on her as well. It was a little chilly out here. Aubrey was getting her baby bag and car seat out the backseat.
“Hi Ma.” I said in a normal yet excited tone. Didn’t want to wake the baby.
“Look at my beautiful girls!” she went on, as we came in close quarters, whispering, “Is she asleep?”
“Yes,” I replied, with a head nod.
I brought Audrey out a bit, so that we could both get a good look at her. Sandi smiled with gleam.
“She’s so precious!” cooing as she rubbed her thumb over Audrey’s cheek. “Lets get you two inside.”
Carefully, I walked up the staircase and over the threshold, into her house, my eyes set on the living room. I wanted tolay Audrey on the couch and get a seat, most importantly. Carefully I unzipped her jacket, removing her arms from the sleeves; I didn’t want her waking up and being all fussy. She wasn’t even two months yet but she was already developing a habit.
Once I got the jacket off, she stretched her little body out, inhaling to exhaling, rubbing her little fist over her nose. She sucked in her pacifier, playing with it for a bit, in her mouth.
Meanwhile, Aubrey and Sandi worked their way inside the house. Conversing amongst themselves, they walked into the living room where we were. Aubrey’s eyes fell on mines quickly before deciding on which place to put Audrey’s things down. Sandi walked over to me, her eyes slightly watery as she admired the baby.
Her hands were clasped together, “I just can’t get over how beautiful she is.” she smiled over at me, “How are you doing sweetheart?”
“I’m good, mommy. How have you been?” I stood up to give her a quick hug.
“I’m better now that you three are here.” she chuckled, “I’ve missed you guys so much.”
I pulled away enough to see her face, “Oh and we’ve missed you too; a lot more than you think.” I snickered, loosening my grip on her.
“You look good hun! For somebody that’s just had a baby.” she commented attempting to butter me up.
I definitely knew that she was pulling my leg; again, I wasn’t all the way back to my normal size so I felt a little insecure whenever I’d see other women around Aubrey; shit I was even insecure around Nisha. And that’s because she was a perfect size four and I was at a ten, still trying to get rid of this baby fat.
"Thanks San!" blushing at the compliment; even though I didn’t believe it, it was still nice to hear it.
"Your welcome hun…" Smiling back as we looked over at her son. "So how long will I have you guys for?"
Aubrey walked over to us, “Couple days… I gotta get back to the states and get ready for the tour.” Kissing Sandi’s cheek.
"And your taking my Audrey out there?" she asked, one of her hands resting on her chest as she looked in between me and Drake.
"No." I replied, "We agreed it would be best for her to stay in New York. So just in case something happens, she’ll be near her doctor."
Sandi exhaled in relief, “Oh good!” Chuckling to herself.
"But we’ll visit every other weekend so she’ll get to see him." Reassuring both him and her.
"Yeah, so everything’s been figured out." Aubrey smile mirroring his Mom’s.
It was cute how much they looked alike, and my baby was already looking like them as well.
"That’s all I need to hear…. Ooh and if you want, Desirae, I can come back to help out with the baby."
"I’d love that a lot actually." My smile was pretty wide and full I relief. I could use all of Mama’s help with Audrey. "Thanks ma." I wrapped my arms back around her, hugging her tight.
This was my family. No matter how much I reminded myself of my past, it didn’t change the fact that I was Audrey’s mom now. Aubrey and me had our own little family, and it was filled love, concerns, laughs, and protection.
"You’re welcome sweetie, anytime."
Releasing her from my hold, I looked back to see my baby. Aubrey had put a blanket over her, rubbing her back softly.
I walked over to the empty love seat and made some use out of it; Sandi walked over to where they were, standing in front of Audrey, practically in awe of how she slept.
"She is just a precious little thing. I can’t believe how much she’s filled out since I seen her last."
I smiled at peace, letting my headrest as my eyes closed.
"Yeah…. she’s growing." I overheard Aubrey say.
They continued to chat, and soon there voices faded from my eardrums; as I went off to dream.
One Week Later
“Hey where you think you goin’?”
I marched furiously down the hallway, down the staircase, my eyes set for the doorway. I grabbed my purse off the suede bluish gray couch throwing it over my shoulder as I was in motion.
"Des," he called out sounding a lot closer than I had expected him to be.
Out the corner of my eye, I saw him making his way down the staircase. I walked right past him in hopes of missing him. It sucked how close it was close to the door, it was hard to miss me.
“Des, wait up!” Aubrey tugged at arm causing me to stop in mid walk. I was at least, two feet away, from being out the door.
“Don’t touch me!” I snapped snatching my elbow away from him.
“No listen to me!” he managed to block me from the door, his face was full of worry. And dammit he should be; because again I stand here looking stupid for sticking by him when these girls he claims he used to ‘mess with’ are coming out in the media with these damn stories.
“Why?” I cried out, “Why should I? You’ve said nothing to defend my honor…or your daughters’.” tears streaming down my face.
“Des don’t do that!” I could tell by his voice that I had struck a nerve; if it wasn’t for my sake, it was for hers. “You know that’s not fair. I love you both and you know that. I can’t always control what they say about me; they’re one of many out there.”
“You have the power to move people with your words, in song, but you can’t say anything when its about protecting your family?” I was furious, “Really Aubrey? I’ve let you have your moments because I don’t want to be in the way of your career but this one takes the cake.”
About a day or two ago, one of Aubrey’s exes did an interview not only talking about her past relationship with him but I felt like she took a jab at me and the fact that I was the mother of his child. Not only that but he did that stupid video with Rihanna, whom I know he used to hang out with. Then this Nebby chick came out of nowhere talking about Aubrey again and this time it was on Twitter; Aubrey had the audacity to respond well, actually he posted a subliminal tweet. This was around the time we must’ve been arguing and I was pregnant so of course I was feeling some type of way. It made me feel like he was regretting this baby and me. Like I literally packed my bags and headed out the door but again like this episode, he came down to stop me. To some degree I think he even wanted to cry, but I didn’t care. All I knew was, I was gonna have to make a living for my child and myself without him.
“Baby I’m sorry! Okay,” he fixed my face so I was looking directly at him. “Look, you and Audrey are my world; I can’t see myself without you two” by then I had pushed his hand away from me but he pulled my face back over, “No, stop! You may not think that I don’t care but I do. Ima always defend you and Audrey. Okay? Always. It may not be in the way you want me to but it gets done babe.” stressing the last sentence as he looked me in the eye.
My vision had become blurry, and so had my mind. I felt like I was stuck between Aubrey’s world and my own. The truth of the matter was, I wasn’t famous but because of him and our baby, I was. I mean, they saw me as this opportunists, like I really aspired to be a baby mama. And I was far from it, I wanted so much more out this life than to be somebody’s baby mama.
Then these girls coming out the woodwork weren’t making my situation any easier; since the day Tyrone left me, I hadn’t seen or heard from him. But yet somehow these girls were slithering through the cracks of my mind like snakes and it got to me.
“I can’t have you walk out on me,” wiping under my eyelids, “After everything we’ve been thru this past year, baby…” softly he kissed my lips, his hold on me even more warm and sensual than before. He lips lingered on mines, “I need you.” meshing them as he breathed harshly out his nose, tickling my skin before he kissed me again, “I love you.”
He let his hand move my bag off my shoulder and onto the ground as he felt up my waist and backside. And I let him, all in the while his manhood was knocking at my door, beckoning for me to let him in. I let him. Not before he slowly got down on his knees before me, in between kissing; he found his way at my navel, lifting up my button down.
That night I laid alone; the sheets and this bed were what gave me comfort. After Aubrey and I got through ‘making up’, he fed the baby and put her down to sleep. Now he was out of the house, off to the studio. I was unaware of when he was coming back; he kissed my forehead and left me to sleep.
I hated to make this a pattern cause honestly it didn’t need to be. But I felt so insecure, and maybe that wasn’t something that he could help, I needed to feel confident in our relationship. These were our rocky times, especially with the baby here. I didn’t want to give up on us, but at the same time, I didn’t want my daughter to see her father and I going thru it either. This constant working was a problem but it was also our solution to living. I think we just needed to keep some common ground between us.